Day 3 – Resting

Today was a day to switch off my brain for a bit.

He came to get his stuff today, so I got out of the house while it happened.

I expected to be sad when I got home and saw the empty spaces, but I’m surprised that I feel ok. If I don’t think about what it means, then the emotions don’t get a chance to take hold and suffocate me.

Part of me worries that I’m bottling it all up, and it will come spewing out at some point in the future; but that is probably just the monster in me wheedling to get free.

Thank you to Thunder for your advice in the comments. You’re right about learning my triggers. It’s been so helpful to recognise them when they occur, and to be able to predict my behaviour. Sometimes I can head it off before I lose control, sometimes it gets away from me. But at least now I can calm myself quicker than before, and before I really fuck things up. This new skill is only just budding in me and still needs a lot of nurturing.

The other important thing I’ve realised about triggers is that they are not always real. I need to stop, and think, and determine whether or not it is real. It might not be easy to do, because if pressed, the person doing the so-called triggering may deny it, or feel attacked.

But in the moment that you stop to check, the emotional side has already been diverted, and the logical mind engaged.

So the sequence could be:

-trigger occurs
-stop, engage logical mind (through mindfulness)
-check if it really happened
-if no, move on
-if yes, ask yourself ‘does it really matter?’
-if no, move on
-if yes, ask yourself why

Hopefully by this point I will be calm enough to discuss the problem rationally.

It may also be important to realise that just because an event has triggered an emotional response, it is not a reason to let people walk all over you. In some cases, an emotional response may be justified; but always try to let the logical mind do the steering.

I can only try.

2 thoughts on “Day 3 – Resting

  1. Sorry, but I am going to bombard you with comments probably. I just like your sequence for dealing with triggers. It’s fairly simple, but I always seem to get stuck at the “does it really matter” part. A little more mindfulness would help to avoid unnecessary heartache.

    • Haha, no problem 🙂
      Yeah, I can get stuck there too. Because I hate letting people get away with stuff. I feel like it’s sending them a message that it’s ok for them to do whatever. But, if it does really matter, then I think it’s cool to discuss it. In the long run though, most things probably don’t really matter. Much better to find the lesson in it and get on with our lives.

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