Day 9 – Abandonment / Attachment

It was a fairly busy day for me today; garage sales, working on assignments, doing chores. I didn’t really do anything towards my recovery. Unless keeping myself occupied is part of recovering.

I’ve mentioned in a previous post that fear of abandonment is my biggest and most debilitating issue. I guess this is pretty common among borderlines.

I went shopping with mum yesterday, and while she was in the bank I went to find a restroom. On my way back to the bank, I decided to stop in quickly at a book shop; I wanted to find a DBT workbook. No workbook, but the first book that I noticed and picked up, on the psychology shelf, was ‘The Journey from Abandonment to Healing’ by Susan Anderson. The title was vaguely familiar, I think it was mentioned on another BPD site. I read the blurb and put it back on the shelf; I couldn’t really afford it at that moment and I’m in the middle of three other books.

I turned around to the Self Help shelf, which I always feel embarrassed about looking at. And there on the top shelf was that book again, only, this one had a sale sticker on it; $27.99 $5.99.

I think the universe meant for me to have this book. So, now I’m in the middle of four books. I will post anything I find helpful from it as I’m reading.

Also, I caved and called him today. Even though I promised my thearapist I would give it two weeks.

It was a pleasant conversation, and I managed to stay calm and not become desperate. We chit chatted for a while, nothing heavy. I’m glad I called; I needed to see whether or not I’m only getting better because I’m not interacting with him, and if talking to him would undo all my hard work. I don’t think that is the case; I believe that my progress is real.

I did tell him I miss him though; I don’t want to be fake with him. He replied “It is probably just…” he paused. “Attachment?” I asked. “Yes,” he said.

So, my question is; how do you know if missing someone is a genuine reflection of your feelings or simply attachment? I’m not sure if I fully understand the concept of attachment yet. I feel attached to everything. It’s hard to throw anything away.

6 thoughts on “Day 9 – Abandonment / Attachment

  1. Hi fear of abandonment is a tricky one and hard to deal with. I’m glad you’re talking things through with our therapist. My fear if abandonment means that I .become aloof and can.detach myself quite easily when needed. Have a look at my blog and recent post Start with You. There is a great link at the bottom about abandonment. I find Ur really gets to the route of it and where it stems from. You can download free positive affirmations and meditations to help you release your fear and treasure yourself. It’s great. Take care

    dingdongitsmrwrong.WordPress.com 🙂

    • Hi Dingdong 🙂
      Thank you for your support and advice. I enjoyed reading your blog, and look forward to more posts from you. I spent a couple of hours reading the link on your site about abandonment, and it was so helpful and informative. Understanding more about the reasons we feel this way helps us to be more gentle with ourselves, I think.

      • Hi Sparrow, your last post (Day 18) really does resonate with that site so much. Fear of abandonment. On the site you can download little mp3s. They are meditations and they are free (i think if not no more than $4. I got the fear of abandonment and healing one and listened to it every night and it really helped to adjust my thinking. EVen if you fall asleep your subconscious is listening to it. It really is worth checking out. I can’t send you the Lu.k at the mo as typing from my phone but have a good feeling it could help. Worth investigating 🙂

      • Hi Sparrow, your last post (Day 18) really does resonate with that site so much. Fear of abandonment. On the site you can download little mp3s. They are meditations and they are free (i think if not no more than $4. I got the fear of abandonment and healing one and listened to it every night and it really helped to adjust my thinking. EVen if you fall asleep your subconscious is listening to it. It really is worth checking out. I can’t send you the link at the mo as typing from my phone but have a good feeling it could help. Worth investigating 🙂 Be gentle with yourself x

      • Thank you 🙂
        I’ll have a look…every little bit helps. I’d like to recommend The Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson, there are some great exercises in there to help with recovery.

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