Part of the reason that I’ve been unable to let go of him is because I always believed his appearance in my life was a one off.
Until I met him (at the age of 30), I had never been in a relationship with anyone that I felt so in love with. With previous partners I’d only ever had luke warm feelings, which generally deteriorated into repulsion or platonic friendship within the first year. I’d always just settled, because I thought that was all I’d ever be capable of feeling. I didn’t believe that I would ever feel anything more, or indeed whether what I termed “movie love” even existed in real life.
And then I met him and that all changed. Two and a half years later and I still feel just as intensely affectionate towards him as in our first month together. Things had settled down, of course, but the attraction was still there, something I had never before experienced.
And my belief has always been, if it took 30years for someone to come along and evoke these feelings within me, the odds are low that it would ever happen again. And anyway, why would I even throw it away to take a chance that I could find it again, when I had it in him?
I’ve been trying to challenge this belief. Instead, I’ve pointed out to myself that I should be happy to discover that I am capable of having and sustaining these feelings, and that if it has happened once it can happen again.
Perhaps his appearance in my life was just the universe’s way to force me to deal with my issues, so that when love comes along next time I will be ready for it, and healthy enough not to blow it.