Day 15 – Sinking

I’m not doing so well today.

I think I’ve steadily been getting worse since I found those old messages from him. I think the reminder of his broken promises feels like a fresh abandonment. It’s all I can do not to call him, but I don’t want him to know that I’m struggling. Because I feel like my only chance to get him back is if I get better. I know that’s the wrong way to think. And I know it’s alot of pressure to put on myself, and if we were to get back together it would be a lot of pressure to maintain the facade that I was better. And then I would be right back here.

Maybe I’m hurting so much right now because I’m coming to the realisation that we can never work out.

And I’m not finding the motivation to keep going if that’s the case.

Why is his love more important to me than my recovery? I think I’m losing faith in myself.

 

Added 1 hour later:

I took some time, did some distraction, and re-read all my old blog posts. I feel so much calmer, and hopeful again. I’m so glad I’ve kept a record of my progress, as I can see the dips and rises, and it reminds me that I won’t always feel low. I don’t want to forget the progress I’ve made and the lessons I’ve learned; that was why I failed the last time I tried to get better.

5 thoughts on “Day 15 – Sinking

  1. I’ve experienced the same, just looking back at a post I did three days ago can remind me of where I stand, and how far I have come! And I have to say, you’ve impressed me with your blog. You are so realistic, so clear about your problems and challenges, but you stay hopeful. A real inspiration 🙂 Keep it up, I’m sure you’ll be fine in the long run!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s