Right now I can’t think clearly. I’m distressed, angry, despairing, lonely.
I miss him and I hate him all at once.
The forgiveness I was working towards has flown out the window. Now I’m just so angry and disbelieving that he could be so cruel, so full of lies and so unfair.
Maybe for the time being it’s better this way. Maybe this is how I need to feel in order to let him go. And when I’m free of him, I will dig deep and see if then I am capable of forgiveness.
But right now, I am wrath incarnate.
It’s making me feel physically ill to know we exist on the same earth; that he is out there, being him, being the same, being HAPPY (which he said he was yesterday). I won’t go into details, but I now know he is not a good person. I tried to empathise, I tried to see the good in him, but I just can’t find it. The thought that he will do this to another girl after me (as I have discovered he also did to his girlfriend before me) is too much to bear. I feel stupid, used, a fool.
I hope karma is real.