After wondering the other day whether I am a love addict, I found a Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) meeting in my area.
I went along tonight, unsure of whether it was for me, but hopeful all the same.
I’m still not quite sure.
It follows the traditional 12 Step Program, the first of which is:
“We admitted we were powerless over sex and/or love addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable.”
And that is where I became unsure.
Perhaps I’m misunderstanding the meaning of powerlessness, but I feel that admitting powerlessness is equal to not taking responsibility for our problems.
Isn’t there always something we can do to help ourselves? Can’t we just work a little harder?
I don’t know…maybe I’m not an addict, and maybe I’m trivialising addiction. I don’t mean any offence to anyone with an addiction.
I do feel as though I fit the definition of a “love addict”…but I’m hoping I can overcome it by learning to value my separateness and completeness as a human and consequently how to be in a relationship in a healthy way. Without losing myself in the other person. Because when I rely on a relationship or partner for all my self worth, the things he does affect me so much more than is reasonable; when he wants to do something without me, I feel abandoned; when he takes away his love, I think I will die; when he’s gone, I wish I were dead.
I never want to feel that way again. So, I will abstain from any romantic involvement until I feel I don’t need it anymore.
It makes me feel empty…but that means I have to do it, right?