I’ve been trying to keep myself distracted today, but it’s no use. I’m so distressed. I feel so alone. I’m not feeling very safe with myself today.
I had a theme prepared today, but, it’s too hard. I’ve been trying to calm myself down, but I’m not sure if I’m strong enough yet to do it completely alone.
I’m distressed because it’s Friday night and I’m all alone, my housemate is away for the night, my mum is 9 hours away, my closest friends are in another city, I’m exhausted from not being able to sleep, and I have to go to a wedding tomorrow. It’s the last thing I want to do, but I don’t want to let my friend down by not going. The hardest part about it is that she and I both got engaged at the same time, but her wedding is tomorrow and I’m heartbroken.
I wish I could make the pain go away…maybe I should go hit myself in the head until I forget he exists.
ETA 15 minutes later…yesterday my therapist said that I need to be able to reflect on times that I haven’t felt so down, to remind myself that this feeling will pass so that I don’t do anything stupid. I won’t do anthing stupid.