Day 28 – Gamer exhaustion

I was talking with a friend today, both about my current situation and hers. We’re both confused about where we stand with certain males in our lives; we don’t feel like we can ask for fear of seeming desperate or controlling, but they are not forthcoming with any clues.

Everyone claims to hate games in relationships, but it seems we all play them. We all want it to be straightforward, to be able to say how we feel and what we want, and to have others do the same with us.

Is that possible?

Women are too scared to say what we want, because we see men as skittish; a wrong move and they shy away. And men…I don’t claim to know how they think. But it seems they don’t get us either.

Which makes me think; is it actually just a game that we have a different set of instructions for? Are we playing for a different prize? Is there anyway we can collaborate and both come out the winner? Or will learning how the other sex plays take all the fun out of it? Or is that part of the fun?

I’m tired of being scared. And I’m tired of acting fine. I want to actually be fine. Maybe I just need to think less. Maybe life doesn’t need to be so serious (at least not all the time).

How does one just have fun, without the fear of getting hurt? Am I missing something here? What am I so fucking scared of?

Humiliation? It will pass. Rejection? It’s a numbers game. A broken heart? I now know it’s something I can survive. Being forever alone? A certainty if I let the fear win.

Fuck games…the real fun starts when we get honest.

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