Day 37 – Subconscious Sabotage

I actually feel like my life is starting to come together.

I spent the day with family, and I had a great time. I stayed aware of my behaviour and when I noticed myself acting unpleasantly, I reigned it in. I’m enjoying my studies and am actually excited about my future. I’ve been socialising a lot, and I feel my life becoming fuller. Right now, I’m pretty close to happy.

The one bummer at the moment though is that I’ve started dreaming about my ex every night. Upsetting dreams where he hates me, he has a new girlfriend, or is breaking up with me again (usually all three in the one dream), and all the progress that I’ve made over the past weeks is gone. I wake up tired, sad, scared and sick.

I want to work out what the dreams mean. Is my subconscious trying to make me hold on to him? Make me let go of him? Make me deal with suppressed feelings? Is it because I avoid thinking about him while awake, so the only time I can process it is when I’m asleep?

Is my subconscious trying to sabotage my progress?

8 thoughts on “Day 37 – Subconscious Sabotage

  1. argh! my dreams had my ex appearing all the time, and they were the most romantic of dreams. but they are only dreams, and when reality hits us, we gotta move on 🙂

    • Yeah, in the past I would have stewed on them all day, and taken it out on my ex (while we were still together), poor guy! I’m not letting them get me down like I used to, but I still think they have something to tell me that I don’t want to ignore, or they’ll keep coming.

  2. I don’t think your subconscious wants to sabotage you. It is rather reminding you of suppressed feelings as you said. You can actively work on transforming fear and pain into more positive emotions. It also helps a lot to forgive yourself and the other person. I hope you’ll have more pleasant dreams in the future!

    • Thank you for your comment, Julia 🙂 I’m working on forgiveness, but I guess what has been holding me back are the hurts and fears that are still festering within my subconscious, that my dreams are now reminding me to deal with. Do you have any tips for transforming these into positive emotions?

      • It seems like part of you is still holding on to your ex. You’re subconsciously seeking his approval and love. I think your dreams mirror your fear of not being good enough. Now, I would suggest using some positive affirmations to build self-love. At the same time, be grateful for your past relationship with your ex, because – good or bad – , it is a valuable experience. After thinking and feeling how grateful you are for that experience, you decide to let it go. It is part of your past now. You’ve made your peace with it, and now it’s time to move on. This process won’t happen over night, but if you keep working on forgiving, letting go and approving of yourself, you will stop getting those upsetting dreams. At least, that’s my theory 😉 Hope it helps.

      • What you’ve said has made sense, and I will take my time and work on it. I think I’ve been resisting letting go…but I know that’s what I need to do in order to really heal. It’s so hard, and scary. Thank you for your advice, Julia 😀

  3. Exactly what dreams “are”, have been a much discussed topic.. Right now, I have to say, it seems like you are dreaming out your fears and worst-case-scenarios. Maybe the ones you choose not to think about when you’re awake. Focus on the progress you’re making – and I’m really happy to see you doing so good!! Feel kind of proud, though I don’t know you 🙂 – and just let them be dreams. They are your fears, and you have to let them go somehow. You’re doing great 🙂

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