I found it pretty shocking how many people out there are so anti-relationship, and completely content to live out their days single. Of course, I wonder how many of those people are really just bitter about not having the option and are trying to convince themselves that they are happy, or have had bad experiences that scare them off relationships forever. Others, though, genuinely seem to prefer and choose singledom. The mere fact that some people believe they are cut out for single life leads me to believe that conversely some people are cut out for couple life. And both perspectives are valid. Neither are indicative of some fundamental flaw in personality.
I think it’s just time for me to accept that I am wired to be in a relationship, and that there is nothing wrong with that. Some of us need to be, or the human race would be in big trouble.
It probably depends a great deal on how accepted you feel in other areas of your life; if you have strong connections with family, friends, colleagues, community, and a fulfilling work life then being single might be just fine. But for others, a romantic relationship is the only closeness we have been able to achieve.
Throughout these last two months of being single, I’ve put a lot of effort into developing these other connections. They have gone some way towards stemming the loneliness I feel, but I can’t deny any longer that something else is missing. And that’s ok. Being single is not who I am. My genetics, my life experiences, the society I am in, my biology and evolution are all propelling me toward a relationship.
It’s not a flaw. It’s part of who I am. Denying that part of me, trying to fit the mould of a happy single, is causing me pain.
Of course, these past two months have helped me recognise that balance is needed. The way I used to function in a relationship was completely unbalanced, unhealthy and unsustainable. I was like an addict, unable to say “no”, or hear “no” from my partner.
It will take constant effort, but I’m ready to try being in a relationship where I am able to respect boundaries, continue on my journey to mental wellness, spend time on my own interests and also nurture the connections I am developing with my family and friends.
And accept my (future) partner’s right to the freedom to do the same.