What I thought was a spanner in the works has actually turned out to be quite helpful.
I don’t want to go into details here, but an experience that I thought might unravel my work has instead encouraged me to practice some of my new skills, in regards to romantic relationships. Single September has ended and there has been some love interest, and I even felt infatuation at one point. I was worried that it was too soon, but I’m taking it as an opportunity to not become attached and neurotic, to respect boundaries, and get used to the concept of not always getting my way.
When I told my therapist about what had happened, I expected her to say “It’s too soon!”, but she was actually very pleased that I’m using it as an opportunity for growth. Considering a lot of my issues revolve around men and relationships, I think I’m in a good place now to dip my toe in and put some of the theory I have been learning into practice.
She’s very pleased with my progress, as am I. However, she says it’s time for me to stop thinking of myself as something to be fixed in order to be able to be loved. I’m a good person who has some issues that I admit to and am making an effort to resolve, and I deserve to be loved and treated well. It’s time to think about what it is that I need from a relationship.
I know I’ve said in a previous post that I won’t try to manifest anything, and will just take it as it comes, but this is different. There are some things that are non-negotiable in order that I may function well in a relationship. I don’t need to fix every little thing about myself, that would be impossible. Instead, I need to accept that I do have some specific needs, and I deserve a person who can provide those.
This is what I need in a partner:
– The ability to talk and be open about emotions
– Patience and a willingness to work on the relationship
– Similar sense of humour and level of intellect
– Compassion and empathy
– Physical attraction
That’s a fairly short list of absolute necessities. It’s not too restrictive; age, nationality, income, or appearance (provided I find him attractive) aren’t important.
I’m going to continue to date, and continue to practice my new skills. Each new person I meet will be an opportunity to grow, not a solution to my problems or a life raft from loneliness. I will be patient until I meet someone who fulfils my basic requirements.
When he comes along, I will be ready.