Days 63-64 – On Being a Big Baby

Yesterday I didn’t get my way.

And I had a tantrum. I’m not going to dignify it by saying it was a panic attack or anything like that, it was a tantrum, pure and simple. I was being a big baby.

While it was happening, it felt so awful. I kept telling myself that I needed to stop it, but I didn’t. And the reason I didn’t stop it was because I knew that calming down wasn’t going to get me my way. And that thought was so painful. In that moment I am trapped, believing that I will always feel that way, and it is too much to bear.

I suppose it is caused by a combination of  frustration at not being able to have my needs met, a lack of control over the situation and my emotions, and the thoughts that arise from the situation. I can’t control a situation in order to have my needs met by someone else, that is a violation of the other persons boundaries. So, the only thing I can do is accept the situation, but then my needs go unmet. What am I to do?

I’m trying to read about how to deal with tantrums in children, because that is probably the way I need to approach this issue. However, obviously, it all involves what the parent can do for the child to help them out of it, and I don’t have that option available. I’m usually alone when it happens, so it’s all up to me to bring myself out. And it’s so hard to do when I’m in the middle of a tantrum, and can’t even see straight.

I found this information about why children have tantrums:

Tantrums tend to occur when young children do not have the language to express how they feel or the ability to handle their feelings without adult assistance…Tantrums tend to become less frequent as the child learns more about themselves and their emotions. Young children need adults to assist them to come out of the tantrum, regain their dignity and remain calm.

I’ve realised that when I’m triggered into a tantrum, it is because the person I am dealing with has withdrawn emotionally, or I am alone. And in both those situations I have no one to express myself to, and so I melt down. This is similar to a little kid having a tantrum because they lack the communication skills to express themselves effectively.

As an adult who does not yet have the skills required to guide themselves out of a tantrum, what should I do? When it happens, I honestly feel like my world is falling apart.

I realise it would be much better if I could adjust my thoughts so that I don’t have a tantrum in the first place, which I failed at yesterday. I will keep trying, but I need a way to get out of it when it does happen, as it probably still will from time to time until I get better control of my thoughts and emotions.  I’m unable to find any information online that deals with how to cope when it is you having the tantrum.

Does anybody have advice?

8 thoughts on “Days 63-64 – On Being a Big Baby

  1. I don’t really have an advice as much, but hearing this did make me laugh as I recalled myself doing something similar recently. I was so frustrated and I threw a proper tantrum and then I laughed and it seemed to stop it. Maybe laughter is the best medicene?? x

    • Yeah, I sometimes think about a skit from SNL with Fred Armisen where he has an anger management problem, and it makes me chuckle. I just need to be more diligent about trying to recall that skit when I feel a tantrum brewing 🙂 xx

  2. everybody throws a tantrum from time to time, if they don’t then their probably robots! know that you’re only human and for those that care, wouldn’t mind it at all. they’ll let you cool down and talk it out. life would be pretty dull if nobody had tantrums thrown about!

    • Haha, yeah. Tantrums happen, the problem with mine is that I get out of control and hurt myself. I broke a door even (have a big bruise too) 😦 If I can even just dial down my tantrums a bit, I’ll be pleased.

  3. Hey I just started following your blog ermmm i just got diagnoised with Borderline to and we have A LOT in common.. im pressed on time and its hard for me to read/post a lot. I have an eating disorder to and use to have two blogs about that i wish i could start another blog but im crazy busy

    im posting this using my fb (dana michelle colthart)

    id love to chat more with you on chat to have more of a support system and im sure i can offer you lots of support as well. I swear im not some creepy person lol ❤


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