Day 78-79 – “Don’t listen to her, she doesn’t even have a family”

I’m feeling so miserable and alone today.

Last night I spoke on the phone to my sister, who is currently fighting with her husband. She was venting to me about it, and I was doing my best to listen to her and encouraged her to seek help, as her addiction is one of the problems.

And then from the background, her husband yelled: “Don’t listen to her, she doesn’t even have a family.” 

Upon hearing that I hung up the phone and broke down. To drive the point home even further, right after I got off the phone I kicked my toe and dislocated it. The pain was excruciating, but I had no one I could call to come and help me. I took some ibuprofen and a sleeping pill, and hoped it would pop itself back into place while I slept.

This morning, it’s still dislocated and still extremely painful. And I’m still all alone. The toe isn’t a huge deal, I think I can drive and have a doctors appointment in a few hours, but the comment last night has made me very emotional.

My sisters both have their own families now. So where does that leave me? In some kind of single person limbo? I never chose to be alone, and always hoped I would be married with children by this age (I’m 32 for anyone who didn’t know). I feel like I don’t matter to anyone.

I guess I’m meant to find some kind of meaning or lesson in this, but right now I’m too sad and in too much physical pain to figure it out.

 

9 thoughts on “Day 78-79 – “Don’t listen to her, she doesn’t even have a family”

  1. I’m 34 and I don’t have a family either. I always had this image of what I thought my life would be…and I haven’t reached it. I know where you are coming from. I feel like time is running out for me to have the life I always wanted. The only thing you can do is stay strong and keep hope, no matter how hard it is. That’s what I do anyway.

    • Lately I’ve been doing well, keeping positive, knowing whatever happens happens and accepting it. I have to accept that I may never have a family of my own. It was just hard to hear him say that, all my fears about not being worthwhile and invalidated in one sentence. I know he said it because he is hurting right now too, and he was sorry afterwards, still sucks to hear it said :/ Just because someone said something doesn’t make it true though.
      I also realise that having ones own family isn’t the be-all and end-all and doesn’t guarantee happiness. Yeah, it’s hard to let go of the picture you have in your mind of where you wanted to be, but holding onto it will only drag us down. We can be happy right this second if we accept where we are.

  2. hello! i think right now, our society’s family types are getting more diverse (e.g. singlehood, cohabitation etc.), being alone doesn’t necessary mean you’re lonesome or do not have the “desired” life.
    i have even considered adopting a child to increase the “adopted parents” demographics! so stay well, know that your wishes and committed beliefs in life are the prerequisite needed for a happy you, and your loved ones – and you should be proud of yourself for that =)

    • It fixed itself about 18 hours after it happened, about 20 minutes before my doctors appointment, …my toe is a troll!
      He said it because he thought I was counselling my sister against him, which I wasn’t. He was really sorry for what he said. I’m not upset with him, but it sucks to be reminded, considering all I’ve ever wanted is my own family.

  3. 32? You look closer to 23 in your photo. 🙂

    I’m sure your sister must’ve stood up for you once you hung up the phone call. She clearly trusts and loves you enough to confide in you.

    You’re still young and you’ve got plenty of time to meet the RIGHT person. Not just someone and certainly not ‘anyone’. 🙂

    • Haha, thanks, I get that all the time. People are always shocked to learn my age.
      Yes, my sister did stand up for me, we’ve become closer lately which is very nice. I’ve never been close to either of my sisters before.
      I do feel a sense of urgency about settling down, after all, women have that pesky body clock that just won’t stop ticking! But, I don’t plan to settle, I’d rather be alone than with the wrong person 🙂

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