I’m feeling so miserable and alone today.
Last night I spoke on the phone to my sister, who is currently fighting with her husband. She was venting to me about it, and I was doing my best to listen to her and encouraged her to seek help, as her addiction is one of the problems.
And then from the background, her husband yelled: “Don’t listen to her, she doesn’t even have a family.”
Upon hearing that I hung up the phone and broke down. To drive the point home even further, right after I got off the phone I kicked my toe and dislocated it. The pain was excruciating, but I had no one I could call to come and help me. I took some ibuprofen and a sleeping pill, and hoped it would pop itself back into place while I slept.
This morning, it’s still dislocated and still extremely painful. And I’m still all alone. The toe isn’t a huge deal, I think I can drive and have a doctors appointment in a few hours, but the comment last night has made me very emotional.
My sisters both have their own families now. So where does that leave me? In some kind of single person limbo? I never chose to be alone, and always hoped I would be married with children by this age (I’m 32 for anyone who didn’t know). I feel like I don’t matter to anyone.
I guess I’m meant to find some kind of meaning or lesson in this, but right now I’m too sad and in too much physical pain to figure it out.