Lately I feel like I’ve been doing so well, and then my brain goes, “Fuck you! Here’s some more shit to swill!” Ok, well, maybe not. I’m feeling kind of shitty today, because I’ve started dreaming about my ex again.
I’ve felt like I was almost over the hump towards letting him go, but then the dreams came back. In them, he is always trying to reconcile with me, and though I am reluctant, I give him another chance. And then in the dream I am happy, because we are working things out.
And then I wake up disappointed (though not as devastated as I was in the past). I guess it’s just wishful thinking, and I’m not as “over it” as I’d hoped. The differences in these latest dreams, though, is that I express reluctance towards reconciling. So, perhaps I am finally getting somewhere, I’m just not all the way there yet. Even though there is still a part of me that wants us to be together again, I should be encouraged by the fact that I am starting to question that.
Another important point in my dreams is that it is him who is trying to win me back. In real life he ended our relationship, and it has made me feel completely powerless and wretched. But the dreams are showing me that I hold some of the power now, even if it’s only the power to choose to move on rather than chase after him and stay miserable.
Ok, maybe my brain isn’t such a troll. But it would be better if I could dream that I was already over him. Or, maybe not dream about him at all.
Hey brain, how about that?