Day 88 – Oxytocin, stop making things hard! Kthnxbai!

I haven’t been super successful about not thinking about The Singer. I’ve been watching his music videos and interviews on YouTube, and listening to his album all day. Concentrating in class was an exercise in futility.We spoke tonight on Facebook which has sated me a little bit.

I need to try harder. I know it’s all my fault for sleeping with him and releasing all that oxytocin into my brain. I’m not sorry I did though, it was an unforgettable night, I just now need to deal with the consequences. Problem is, I haven’t had sufficient practice at being detached yet. I suppose it’s a good opportunity to practice, before getting into a relationship with someone, and completely losing myself again.

I wonder if I release more oxytocin than average? Maybe because I’m so deprived of affection, when I finally get some it comes out in floods. Or because I’m often so depressed and anxious, that when it is released it is such a powerful feeling. Whatever the reason, I realise with time these feelings will pass again. I just need to be patient, and exercise my willpower a little more. And try to keep myself distracted.

I’m starting to really want a boyfriend again. Not just any old person will do though. I don’t want to bond to men who aren’t available to me, or right for me.

I know the right person is somewhere, out there. Come on universe, send him my way.

One thought on “Day 88 – Oxytocin, stop making things hard! Kthnxbai!

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