Days 102-105 – Where are my People?

I still go around feeling pretty inadequate at times. Like I’m not a fully formed person, or all of my disparate pieces don’t fit together into a cohesive human being.

I often feel like I lack an identity, because I don’t have a passion. I have interests, but they are spread wide and none of them really excite me. I’m not interested in any one thing enough that I fit in with a group, and often a group of people gather based on common interests. I feel like an outcast in this way.

I look at others and I imagine they all know where they are going, know who they are, know what they like and know where they fit.

It’s the Facebook Illusion, in human form. I can only see what they choose to show, and I guess most people don’t show all the gaps and cracks and ill fitting pieces of themselves, at least not until they’ve known you a while.

I suspect it is only the extremely shallow or truly enlightened folk that feel complete.

I think the best I can do right now is to stop thinking of myself as incomplete and stop fooling myself that nobody else is.

I just wish I had a passion. And that I could find my people.

8 thoughts on “Days 102-105 – Where are my People?

  1. well maybe finding your people could be that latent passion of yours! Facebook’s just superficial; getting to understand someone else in depth – physically, emotionally, mentally, is much more fulfilling than just the virtual spaces!

  2. We do the same thing, we overanalyze ourselves and assume no one else understands because they are all too different. In reality, though they might be very different, they are not showing everything. We choose / need to show our confusion more. I’m glad you see that you might be fooling yourself, because you’re more like a lot of others than you think (yet still very unique).

    • I’m not really sure how to reply. I think what you say is right, but if others don’t show their own vulnerabilities, are they open to the vulnerabilities of others? Or is it an “I go first and hopefully they follow” situation? And, I like the thought that I’m like others and still unique. Perhaps that is everybody…the similarities bring us together and the uniqueness keeps the union interesting 🙂

  3. I agree. We all wear masks and only show people the strengths and weaknesses we want them to see. I understand the fun and social side of Facebook, but I think the danger in it is as you described – a false sense of everyone else having perfect lives and only simple and solvable problems.

    All the best with your people search and finding your passion! You have a gift for writing BTW.

    • Thank you very much for the compliment! It means a lot. Your art is beautiful:)
      I wonder how many people will need Facebook related therapy in the future (the way people did after seeing Avatar)?

  4. I went on my first walk with a new walking group yesterday and, although I was focused on some of the negatives in the post I wrote last night, the experience of just being around others has helped me. They’re not all going to be ‘my people’ but, I think I can interact with a few of them, in time.

    Saying that, I do find it easier to get along with others who aren’t afraid to expose their cracks. But then, I also seem to attract people who find it difficult to talk to others, as I’m quite the opposite.

    There must be a group in your area to meet others of a similar age, sharing at least one interest?

    All I’m trying to say is that there are always people like you, looking for others who understand what it’s like and, I realised that yesterday. 🙂

    • I am starting to meet people that I click with, I think I wasn’t looking in the right places before, and I was trying too hard to make it work with people who didn’t reciprocate. My therapist reminded me that friendships take a lot longer to develop than romantic relationships, as there isn’t the attraction to bond you. I’m still relatively new to this city, so I think I was just being impatient 🙂 I need to approach friendships similarly to relationships; slowly.

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