Days 119-130 – Too Many Men, But Not the Ones I Want

Another huge gap between posts! But I’m all moved into my new place now, and have the Internet on, so I really should get back into it.

I would have to say life is pretty good lately, and I think it is all down to the hard work I have put into getting better, socialising, and feeling connected to my community.

I found a great house in an amazing location, and have found some lovely new house mates. I am expanding my social circle, and my interests. There hasn’t been much time for self-reflection or introspection, which is likely another contributing factor in my good mood. No time to get down 🙂

The one problem I am having, and I realise it is a problem that many other women would not consider a problem, is that I seem to have too many men interested in me right now. Ok, so where’s the problem? The problem is that I’m not into any of them. And it makes me feel awful to have to turn down their invites and advances. My mother would tell me that physical attraction isn’t important, but to me it is. Being around a man who I know is attracted to me makes me feel extremely uncomfortable if I am not also attracted to him.

Anyway, I’m still interested in the same three men as the last time I posted.

One (The Singer) I have had no contact with since the last time we saw each other as I no longer consider him a viable relationship prospect; even though I have strong feelings for him and we really connected, a) he has been clear about not wanting a relationship, and b) even if he did, he lives too far away and travels too much for me to be comfortable. I still have issues with insecurity and jealousy in relationships, and I plan to work on these in my next relationship, but I think that he would be too much of a challenge for me right now. Pursuing him right now would bring me more pain than joy.

Two (I will call him The Curator) is a lovely person, who I recently found out has a girlfriend. So, I will stay away. I never want to be the cause of another woman’s broken heart.

And Three (I will call him The Enigma)…he’s, well,  an enigma. He is single, but so hard to read. He is either completely indifferent to me, or I make him nervous. Aloof or awkward, I can’t tell which.  Hopefully things will become clearer soon, because right now I’m not sure how to proceed. If it’s indifference, I don’t want to be a fool and chase him. But if it’s nervousness, then backing off could mean missing out.

Looking at my last post I’m reminded that I was supposed to do an experiment where I don’t show my interest in any men that I am attracted to. Whoops. It probably won’t happen, because it’s just not me. If someone likes you, they like you, no? Can you really trick someone into becoming attracted to you by pretending you’re not interested?

It may seem that the reason I like these three men is exactly that, but I assure you it’s not. They are just very nice, interesting people, who are also physically attractive to me. The other men who have shown interest in me are either nice, interesting, or physically attractive; sometimes two of those things, but never all three.

All three, or nothing. I’m fine with that.

6 thoughts on “Days 119-130 – Too Many Men, But Not the Ones I Want

  1. sometimes such a dilemma can be frustrating isn’t it? I’m really glad to see how your writing and the way you’ve conducted yourself has grown in maturity =)
    While I’m interested in finding a partner, my problem seem to be a combination of all that you listed above (i’m too nervous or I never hang out at one geographical location for long).
    Oh wells, just put on a smile and savour the funniness of life!

    • I’m still having fun anyway 🙂 It’s all very exciting…it would be nice to find someone, but I’m not scared any more that I will never find him. I realise there are lot’s of “hims” now.

  2. Pingback: Days 131-132 – Liar Liar Pants on Fire | From borderline to better

  3. It’s easy, sometimes, for people to mistake shy and awkward people for being aloof. If he likes you then, there’s every possibility that he’s nervous. I’m a bit like that myself; afraid of saying or showing too much in case it scares the other person off (I don’t have a lot of experience).

    How often do you talk and who usually makes the first move?

    I’m glad that you’re able to step back and to realise your options now. 🙂

    • Hmm, after some further developments, I think he may just be shy and awkward. I still have to make the first moves, but he did invite me back to his house the other day to spend the night. There is still the complication of the other girl he likes though (an ex who has just returned from overseas who I think he wants to make it work with). He’s told me he needs to think about things, which I take as my cue to back down. As much as I want to make chase, I also want to keep my dignity.

      • Okay, I can understand that and it sounds as though you would be wise not to get too close at this time. It’s never easy to try and get involved with someone who still has some ties to their ex (I’ve learnt that twice this year).

        Like you said, there are plenty of ‘hims’ out there and I’m sure you haven’t met them all yet. 🙂

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