I feel like I’ve contracted leprosy. Dipping back into black and white thinking, and I know I need to challenge it.
It seems like I can’t get anyone to spend time with me to save my life. The people I thought I was becoming friends with, unfortunately predominantly male, all seem to withdraw their friendship when they discover sex is not on offer. I’m always careful to not lead them on, but I suppose they hope that I will change my mind. I generally know straight away if I fancy someone though…I may fancy them instantly which may then fade away when I get to know them, or I don’t and never will.
I want to make friends with other women, but it’s near impossible, I find. They are always suspicious of me, as a single woman. I don’t know how to gain their trust. There are a few budding friendships with females, but they move painfully slow compared to with a male who is hoping to have sex with you.
I’m feeling especially blue because someone I thought I was becoming good friends with is no longer responding to my messages, after I told him I was attracted to a friend of his. I felt safe in confiding this to him, as he (my friend) has a girlfriend. But, perhaps it was a misstep. I’m not sure how to get our friendship back on track.
I feel like crawling into a hole for a while, but there is a band I want to see tonight. It looks like I will be going out alone again.