I went to get a coffee at the cafe he works at, and asked him about the other night; the night that he came home with me but left as it didn’t “feel right”.
He said his ex girlfriend had just returned from India the day before. He alternately referred to her as his girlfriend and his ex-girlfriend, so it’s clear there is some confusion for him there. He said he needed to think about things, but asked for my number.
Later I sent him a text, saying I that I thought we should get to know each other. He appeared to agree with this.
That night I went out to see a band, which I didn’t end up enjoying, so I messaged him to see what he was doing. He got me in to see a better band that I had wanted to see but couldn’t afford a ticket for, which I thought was very kind of him. And then he invited me back to his place.
Before anything happened, I asked about his situation. He said he was “pretty free right now”. So, we had sex, talked for a while, and fell asleep.
In the morning I woke up before him. I woke him up, and said I was going to head off unless he would like to have sex again? He was still half asleep though, so I said “thanks for the sex” gave him a hug and left.
Shit, maybe I’m the asshole here.
Later on I messaged him again to say that last night wasn’t quite what I had in mind when I said we should get to know each other, but would he like to do it again? He replied that he needed to think about it. That was two days ago, and there has been no further contact between us.
I feel like it’s not a great sign and I should just move on, as much as I hate to not take control of a situation. I’m scared of pushing again, and accidentally pushing away the thing I want. Neither of us seem to be very good at expressing what we want. And I’m not entirely sure what I want from him anyway. I’d like to have sex with him again, and don’t know him well enough to know if I want a relationship. I’m not sure how to approach the situation.
I know I will see him again anyway, as I often hang out at the same places as him, and am starting to become friends with his group of friends. That makes things worse too…if I leave it as is I may not have stuffed up the friendships I am forming with the others in the group, and may even keep him as a friend. Maybe it’s too late, I don’t know. I want to stay friends with everyone, but I also want to “see” him again.
I know I need to stop sleeping with men so quickly. But I still have problems with self control, and I had been feeling so lonely that day, and I really like him. And I hadn’t had sex in quite a while! But I will try harder in future to control myself.
It still pisses me off though that it is the woman’s role to control herself when she wants sex just as much as the man.
I would really appreciate some advice right now on the matter. I don’t know whether to contact him again or just wait and see if he contacts me, knowing he may never do it. Should I just lay it all out on the line, or let it go?