Day 199 – A Friend with Benefits

The one who I was rejected by in my last post is now the facilitator of my latest growth opportunity. At least, that’s how I’m choosing to approach the situation I now find myself in.

We ended up hanging out together with mutual friends a few weeks ago, and after a few drinks I asked him to explain why he only wanted to be friends. He’s very attracted to me, both physically and mentally, but didn’t want to start a relationship that (in his opinion) would not lead to marriage (because he is ten years younger than me). However, it was obvious that we couldn’t ignore our attraction to each other. He came home with me that night, and every weekend since.

It’s my first experience of having a friend with “benefits”; someone who I am not in an exclusive relationship with but have regular sex with. We talk throughout the week on Facebook, and meet up on the weekend. We spend our time together engaged in activities that a regular couple would engage in, but he doesn’t want to make me his girlfriend. What started out as friends who only had physical contact during sex has gradually extended out into more of what feels like a relationship, in behaviour but not in title.

I know the usual advice would be to run away and not look back, but we have such a good time together, have so much in common, and the sex is amazing. Plus, it’s the perfect opportunity to practise being detached in a relationship.

I sometimes find myself thinking, “Oh fuck, I think I’m in love with him”, and I reprimand myself. Logically, I know it’s just infatuation right now, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. Part of our deal is that I’m allowed to “look for” a boyfriend, and that if I find one we will go back to just being friends. I’m not sure how realistic that is, but it’s nice to think it might be possible.

Of course, I would love for him to one day realise that he wants to be with me too…but in the mean time, I am still open to meeting other men, and doing my darnedest to not get too attached to him. Even if we don’t end up together, I’m hoping it will help me kick the clingy girlfriend habit for good.

7 thoughts on “Day 199 – A Friend with Benefits

  1. Ay Ay Ay!! Can someone carry hot coals in their lap and not get burned? I hear you questioning what you’re getting into and I think you should. You might think it’s okay for now, but you don’t yet see the end from the beginning. The point will come where this thing is going to hurt and then you will be blogging about the pain you feel. I know I don’t know you and have no right to give this kind of advice, but I’ve had enough experience to know that there is a huge element of danger in what you’ve decided upon. Take it for what it’s worth. I just don’t like seeing people get hurt.

    • Thank you for the advice, it really is appreciated. I’d like to say I know what I’m getting into, but I can be very short sighted. I know I might get hurt, but it might also pay off, either by the relationship working out, or by my learning to be less attached. I’ve been hurt before and lived through it, if barely. But that pain has been a catalyst for growth, and I don’t want to pre-empt pain and miss out on life any more.

  2. i think you brought up an important point in being “detached”. even if it might hurt at the end, the detachment would soften the blow. what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. stay safe girl 🙂

    • Thanks, I’ll try! I believe that too now, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. While in the midst of the pain it feels like it’s destroying me, but I always come out the other side a stronger person. And it’s high time I learnt a bit of detachment; even if the relationship does become more, I never want to be tied up in another person the way I was with all my past partners.

  3. Pingback: Day 319 – Relapse | From borderline to better

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