Day 360 – Hypervigilance

I had signed up to participate in a psychological study at my university today, not quite knowing what it was about but it sounded fun and it would give me a little credit towards my final grade in my psychology class. I turned up, only to find that only two others had shown up. While […]

Day 359 – Attachment Styles

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about attachment styles today. There are basically three types: anxious-preoccupied, avoidant-dismissive and secure. The names may vary, depending on where you read about it, but the definitions are the same. We can probably identify with elements of each, but will be predominantly one more than any other. Our […]

Day 358 – Distress Tolerance

All week I’ve had these awful feelings inside me that I just want to get away from somehow. In my stomach and in my chest, it’s a gnawing, aching, burning feeling. It’s emptiness, loneliness, meaninglessness. I’ve never been able to sit with these feelings before. Normally I would take Valium and try to zone out […]

Day 357 – Treat Them Like a Friend

This is going to be short, because I have to run to work in ten minutes. But yesterday, The Onliner broke his silence. We only texted two lines to each other, because his message came as my break ended. And I’ve been trying to work out how to talk to him now. Last week we […]

Day 355 – Nothing.

In a bid to find a bit of hope again I went to see a psychic today. He came recommended. But after my consultation, it’s clearer than ever that the universe wants me to start again, with nothing. Or to find hope on my own. The universe is not going to throw me any bones. […]

Day 350 – Starting Over, but not from Square 1

This past month my life has again spiraled out of control. Most of this entire year I have neglected my recovery, and in a lot of ways I feel like I have slid all the way back to where I was this time last year. I have been angry with myself, admonishing that if only […]