This is going to be short, because I have to run to work in ten minutes.
But yesterday, The Onliner broke his silence. We only texted two lines to each other, because his message came as my break ended.
And I’ve been trying to work out how to talk to him now. Last week we decided to continue as friends, and I’d been wondering if that’s possible. I don’t know how to talk to him like we’re just friends.
This morning I realised; I just have to talk to him and treat him like I would a friend. If any other friend had been not returning my messages for a week, I would be hurt, sure, but also concerned. I wouldn’t harass them when they finally made contact. I would inquire about their well-being. I wouldn’t take it personally.
It just so happens that I have another friend, a female, who hasn’t been returning my calls or messages this week. And yet another friend who I’ve been doing the same thing to. I’m not angry at her, I’ve just had a lot on my mind, a lot on my plate. I haven’t felt like talking. If she got angry at me for that, of course I would be hurt. And I’m not angry at my friend who has been out of touch. Of course it’s crossed my mind that maybe I’ve done something to upset her (which I don’t think I have, but it’s possible), but there is also the greater possibility that she’s just busy, or doesn’t feel like talking.
So, I’m going to try to keep those thoughts in mind when I’m dealing with The Onliner, or anyone that I find myself in a relationship with in the future. Otherwise I get crazy, I get insecure, and I sabotage the good will that is between us. And then I find myself alone and lonely again, wondering why I can’t sustain a relationship.