Day 376 – Do I Even Have BPD?

I’ve actually been thinking this for quite a while but I haven’t wanted to post it here, considering that the blog is called “From Borderline to Better”. But, I don’t know if I’m being fair to myself if I don’t. The blog started because I wanted to get better from borderline personality disorder, but it has been predominantly about becoming emotionally healthy, so the content won’t change no matter my diagnosis.

My symptoms haven’t changed though they have eased up a lot, but the reason I don’t want to keep calling myself borderline is because I never really thought I completely fit the diagnosis. I’ve read a little about Complex-PTSD which I think may fit me better. C-PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder share a lot of symptoms, and they are not mutually exclusive. It’s possible to have both or one, and Borderline Personality Disorder can be brought on by C-PTSD. I will be seeing my new psychiatrist again next week and I may discuss this with him, but in the end, I don’t think the label we give ourselves is important. At least, it’s not important to me where my recovery is concerned. But, it can influence what others think about you, which is why I don’t want to label myself as borderline anymore.

There are just so many awful ideas about BPD floating around on the internet, and it hurts to think that someone may judge or reject me because of something they’ve read and not because of something I have done. Reading forums where people discuss their experiences with people with BPD makes me so angry and depressed. I’ve seen people who think of those with BPD as somehow less than human and use the disorder as an excuse to dismiss the BPD’er or treat them poorly. There is a lot of generalising and it is very hurtful.

For a long time I wanted to tell everyone that I had BPD, because I wanted to increase awareness and try to reduce the stigma associated with it. I wanted people to see that we can be caring, compassionate, easy to get along with people. That we are able to exercise self-control in social situations. That we are able to consider the needs of others and put them before our own. It may have worked to some degree, but maybe I have also been shooting myself in the foot on occasion with this approach.

I don’t want to make a list here of how I do or don’t fit Borderline Personality Disorder, because I don’t want to offend anybody or perpetuate any myths that are out there.

Anyway, the name we give it is bullshit anyway. We all (“healthy” people included) have a cluster of issues, and the label we stick on them doesn’t change anything.  Just because I may get labelled as having BPD doesn’t automatically mean I am going to display any or all of the negative behaviours to be found on some list. And it doesn’t change the actions I need to take in order to get better.

Even the most emotionally “healthy” person can be a dickwad from time to time. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with them, just that they’re human.

I’m just a human too.

4 thoughts on “Day 376 – Do I Even Have BPD?

  1. i think labels are often self-fulfilling prophecies and can be very dangerous. its good that you are challenging the stereotypes out there and are making a constant effort to better not only your life, but those around you as well. cheerios =)

  2. Psychiatrists don’t always get it right and it is only through honest discussion can accurate diagnosis be reached… if it is important enough. My official diagnosis is Recurrent Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Agoraphobia and BPD. I try not to read too much into any of them and neither do I feel I entirely fit the bill for each of the disorders. We live with ‘us’ and that doesn’t need to be defined by any particular diagnosis.

  3. Issues don’t always need labels, in my opinion. It makes them easier to deal with, but they don’t always fit right… I’ve been honest about my condition, and have sometimes had people tell me that I couldn’t possibly be borderline. Because they knew someone who was, and they were completely different. These were often people who’d known me for maybe an hour or so. Not friends. Yeah, because all my emotional difficulties shine right through in an hour. Ehm. No. I’ve recently been labeled “psychopath”. It doesn’t mean I’m vicious, a killer, mean or anything of the kind. I don’t feel empathy and I haven’t ever in my life had a bad conscience, but I still act as if I did! Diagnosis can change you – in a way where ultimately the diagnosis might not fit anymore. You have your issues, and you deal with them. You will get better. You are AWARE. So you don’t adapt the most negative traits, you learn to be better. And that, is something you should be proud off 🙂 No matter what label they put on you.

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