Day 379 – Alone With My Thoughts

One of the things I miss most about having a boyfriend is not having someone to share my thoughts with throughout the day. Someone to exchange text messages or photos of little things that would make us both laugh.

After my breakup last year I started sharing these things on Facebook instead, but that brought with it some problems. For example, “like” anxiety and comment collecting. I would constantly check to see if I had new likes or comments on my posts, or my newsfeed for other posts to like or comment on, which eventually made me more lonely and depressed, seeing what fun stuff others were getting up to. Now I stay off Facebook, unless someone messages or tags me. I avoid my newsfeed like the plague.

Obviously I would love someone to come home to. Someone to share a meal with. Someone to cuddle up to on the couch. Someone to sleep with. But more than any of these, I’d just love someone I can share my thoughts with. Someone who I know smiles inside when they see my name came up on their phone. I think the lack of this is the biggest contributor to my feelings of loneliness, because when something happens that I want to share, I think, “oh, you know who would enjoy this?…no one”.

When there is no one to share experiences with, somehow it’s like they never even happened.

It feels like having no one to share my life with means my life isn’t even happening.

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