Day 507- “I Don’t Exist When I’m Alone”

This is what I said to a friend today. He said “I’m a different person when I’m alone.” I replied, “I don’t exist when I’m alone.” I don’t really know why I said this. And as soon as it was out of my mouth I felt sad, and unsure as to whether it was even […]

Day 500 – Not Sticking is Not (Always) Weakness

Do I feel disappointed that what was intended as a 90 day challenge to overcome my “condition” has blown out to 500? Yes. But, I’m also proud of myself that even though it’s been a long journey, I have stuck with it. I’m still going, still working, still trying. I move forward and I slip […]

Day 492 – Goodbye to The Suit

He’s let me down too many times. He’s let me down on my birthday. He pushes me to the point where I want to die. The things I like about him, and there are a lot, could be enough to get us through, except for one thing: he doesn’t want to be in a relationship […]

Day 490 – Getting to the Bottom of Things

Yesterday was a relatively good day, although I did feel pretty anxious about my upcoming birthday celebrations this weekend. I was upset about not being able to find anything to wear that I felt confident in, but also scared that people wouldn’t show up, in particular The Suit. This morning I awoke to a message […]

Day 488 – Time to Stop Fighting

This is not a suicide note. Though I did think about it a lot today. Walking home from the city I have to cross a long bridge. It’s not high enough to kill me if I were to land in the water, but part of it is over a freeway. If I jumped from there I […]

Day 484 – I’m Not Even A Factor

This week my mind feels like a sludgey ball of tangled twine. It’s heavy, and I can’t pick out specific thoughts. I feel like I’ve done some damage to my brain. There is definitely some psychological damage up in there. The situation I am in is obviously too much for me to deal with. A […]