Day 431 – I Want to Eat the Whole Bag

I’m still dating The Suit, which frankly amazes me. I’m slowly revealing more about myself, and he hasn’t run away screaming yet. But, it’s something I’m still waiting for. Always waiting for. Always anxious about. And even though I should be happy that I’ve found someone I like who likes me back, the constant anxiety […]

Day 373 – Post 100 – Mixed Emotions

I’ve been feeling a bit up and down lately. I’m not having mood swings but feeling both positive and negative emotions at the same time. I suppose it’s better than just feeling down, but it’s pretty confusing. There are a few reasons for the way I’m feeling. First, I’m feeling an immense sense of relief because […]

Day 360 – Hypervigilance

I had signed up to participate in a psychological study at my university today, not quite knowing what it was about but it sounded fun and it would give me a little credit towards my final grade in my psychology class. I turned up, only to find that only two others had shown up. While […]

Day 358 – Distress Tolerance

All week I’ve had these awful feelings inside me that I just want to get away from somehow. In my stomach and in my chest, it’s a gnawing, aching, burning feeling. It’s emptiness, loneliness, meaninglessness. I’ve never been able to sit with these feelings before. Normally I would take Valium and try to zone out […]

Day 357 – Treat Them Like a Friend

This is going to be short, because I have to run to work in ten minutes. But yesterday, The Onliner broke his silence. We only texted two lines to each other, because his message came as my break ended. And I’ve been trying to work out how to talk to him now. Last week we […]

Day 350 – Starting Over, but not from Square 1

This past month my life has again spiraled out of control. Most of this entire year I have neglected my recovery, and in a lot of ways I feel like I have slid all the way back to where I was this time last year. I have been angry with myself, admonishing that if only […]

Day 161 – Universe, I See What You Did There!

So far the new year has been good to me. I’m doing my best to keep myself busy; seeing bands, learning bass guitar, working on my Japanese, trying to paint, helping mum with her business and making lots of new friends. Including some female friends which I’m extremely happy about. All throughout this journey I […]

Days 131-132 – Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Waking up this morning lonely and hungover it hit me that I’ve been lying to myself about not wanting a boyfriend. Turns out I do. Last night I went to see the band of one of the three men that I am interested in, that I wrote about in my last post. The Enigma’s band. […]

Day 108 – Finding Myself so as not to Lose Myself

I want a relationship. Is that in itself a problem? I fear that the correct attitude should be “I’m happy the way things are and I am open to a relationship when I meet the person who inspires those feelings within me.” I fear that until I feel that way, the Universe will hold out on […]