Day 500 – Not Sticking is Not (Always) Weakness

Do I feel disappointed that what was intended as a 90 day challenge to overcome my “condition” has blown out to 500? Yes. But, I’m also proud of myself that even though it’s been a long journey, I have stuck with it. I’m still going, still working, still trying. I move forward and I slip […]

Day 497 – Boredom Loneliness Fear

Over the last few days I’ve been getting better at examining my thoughts. Whenever I feel anything negative, I attempt to trace that feeling back to it’s thought of origin. I’ve been finding that my negative feelings are predominantly ones of anxiety based on boredom or loneliness. Tracing those back even further, they both seem […]

Day 495 – It’s Not Fair

It’s not fair, is it? The child whose mother drank while pregnant and now has a cognitive impairment. The man crossing the road who got hit by a drunk driver and can no longer walk. The woman who dared to stand up for herself and got acid thrown in her face. The boy whose father […]

Day 488 – Time to Stop Fighting

This is not a suicide note. Though I did think about it a lot today. Walking home from the city I have to cross a long bridge. It’s not high enough to kill me if I were to land in the water, but part of it is over a freeway. If I jumped from there I […]

Day 376 – Do I Even Have BPD?

I’ve actually been thinking this for quite a while but I haven’t wanted to post it here, considering that the blog is called “From Borderline to Better”. But, I don’t know if I’m being fair to myself if I don’t. The blog started because I wanted to get better from borderline personality disorder, but it […]

Day 373 – Post 100 – Mixed Emotions

I’ve been feeling a bit up and down lately. I’m not having mood swings but feeling both positive and negative emotions at the same time. I suppose it’s better than just feeling down, but it’s pretty confusing. There are a few reasons for the way I’m feeling. First, I’m feeling an immense sense of relief because […]

Day 368 – Peeling off the Band-aid Slowly

I’ve been so scared to let go of things; people, control, plans. I’ve equated letting go with giving up hope. But I think the thing that was hardest for me to deal with was the pain that comes with letting go, the shock of suddenly not having that thing that made you feel secure. Today […]

Day 366 – “But I’m a Victim…”

My father called my mother to explain why he said what he said on our last phone call. He said it was specifically to get me angry, so that I could express my anger towards him, and then move past it. Well, I think it was a particularly shitty plan. It doesn’t work to make […]