Day 326 – Confronting the Devil, Part 2

Continued from Part 1 The message from The Onliner was brief, but the relief I felt was immediate and immense. This further indicates to me the depth of my problem. If a mere message from someone I’ve never met can pull me from the brink of suicide, that is not healthy. His message was that […]

Days 131-132 – Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Waking up this morning lonely and hungover it hit me that I’ve been lying to myself about not wanting a boyfriend. Turns out I do. Last night I went to see the band of one of the three men that I am interested in, that I wrote about in my last post. The Enigma’s band. […]

Day 108 – Finding Myself so as not to Lose Myself

I want a relationship. Is that in itself a problem? I fear that the correct attitude should be “I’m happy the way things are and I am open to a relationship when I meet the person who inspires those feelings within me.” I fear that until I feel that way, the Universe will hold out on […]

Days 102-105 – Where are my People?

I still go around feeling pretty inadequate at times. Like I’m not a fully formed person, or all of my disparate pieces don’t fit together into a cohesive human being. I often feel like I lack an identity, because I don’t have a passion. I have interests, but they are spread wide and none of […]

Day 91 – “False friends are worse than no friends at all”

I had a fight with a friend over Facebook yesterday, the details aren’t important. At the end of it though, I found myself apologising for my behaviour; I wanted to acknowledge my role in the matter, knowing that we were both in the wrong. However, no apology from his end came, or even an acknowledgement of my apology. The […]

Days 65-66 – Taking Happiness as it Comes

Today I felt really happy. The weather was beautiful, and as I drove to my mum’s house, windows down, radio on, I noticed that I felt different. Happy. To be honest, it was a strange feeling after such a hard year. Of course, I know a large factor in my feeling this way is because of […]

Days 56-57 – Mind Your Language

At my therapy session on Wednesday, it was pointed out to me that the way I speak to myself is not helping to make my recovery any easier. Apparently I use a lot of absolute and negative expressions, such as “I can’t”, “I never”, “I always” and “it’s too hard”. And then my brain believes […]

Days 54-55 – Wired for Coupledom

I just read a long thread on cracked.com, after an article about why it sucks to be single. The article itself was fairly depressing, but the comments thread was a real downer. I found it pretty shocking how many people out there are so anti-relationship, and completely content to live out their days single. Of […]