Day 358 – Distress Tolerance

All week I’ve had these awful feelings inside me that I just want to get away from somehow. In my stomach and in my chest, it’s a gnawing, aching, burning feeling. It’s emptiness, loneliness, meaninglessness. I’ve never been able to sit with these feelings before. Normally I would take Valium and try to zone out […]

Day 350 – Starting Over, but not from Square 1

This past month my life has again spiraled out of control. Most of this entire year I have neglected my recovery, and in a lot of ways I feel like I have slid all the way back to where I was this time last year. I have been angry with myself, admonishing that if only […]

Day 95 – Unprocessed Emotions

I’m a little embarrassed about yesterday’s post, but what’s the point of having a blog if I am going to edit how I feel? It was a good example of posting about raw emotions that I hadn’t yet had time to process. I woke up today with the same feeling of, desperation I suppose. It […]

Days 89-90 – Not the End

Soooo, it’s been 90 days since starting this blog. Am I cured? No, not quite. Am I better? Quite a bit. Do I still have down days and hiccups? Yes. Am I disappointed? Not at all. I think I’m much closer to the realm of what are acceptable/average emotional ups and downs. Will I keep […]

Day 88 – Oxytocin, stop making things hard! Kthnxbai!

I haven’t been super successful about not thinking about The Singer. I’ve been watching his music videos and interviews on YouTube, and listening to his album all day. Concentrating in class was an exercise in futility.We spoke tonight on Facebook which has sated me a little bit. I need to try harder. I know it’s […]

Day 77 – Love is a Risk

I had a good session with my therapist today, in which we discussed the reasons for my jealousy and steps to deal with it. Talking with her, it became clear just how scared I am about being in a relationship again and exposing myself to those feelings again. But that fear lead to another fear; […]

Days 72-73 – “Stop being such a spaz”

I watched The Sitter today, a movie starring Jonah Hill. It was a piece of fluff with a few good laughs, but one scene from the movie has stuck with me. In a scene of particularly high tension, one character, a woman in her early twenties, began to freak out much in the manner that […]

Days 58-60 – Two Thirds Through

Today is the first of October; 60 days into my 90 day challenge and the end of my self-imposed period of being single. There have still been a lot of ups and downs, but I’ve learnt so much. Now is the time to really focus on putting it all into practice. These are the things […]