Day 492 – Goodbye to The Suit

He’s let me down too many times. He’s let me down on my birthday. He pushes me to the point where I want to die. The things I like about him, and there are a lot, could be enough to get us through, except for one thing: he doesn’t want to be in a relationship […]

Day 360 – Hypervigilance

I had signed up to participate in a psychological study at my university today, not quite knowing what it was about but it sounded fun and it would give me a little credit towards my final grade in my psychology class. I turned up, only to find that only two others had shown up. While […]

Day 359 – Attachment Styles

I’ve been doing a lot of reading about attachment styles today. There are basically three types: anxious-preoccupied, avoidant-dismissive and secure. The names may vary, depending on where you read about it, but the definitions are the same. We can probably identify with elements of each, but will be predominantly one more than any other. Our […]

Day 326 – Confronting the Devil, Part 2

Continued from Part 1 The message from The Onliner was brief, but the relief I felt was immediate and immense. This further indicates to me the depth of my problem. If a mere message from someone I’ve never met can pull me from the brink of suicide, that is not healthy. His message was that […]

Day 319 – Relapse

I got out of hospital yesterday after my second overdose. This has nothing to do with my “Friend with Benefits”. My relationship with him actually ended several weeks ago, mutually and amicably. We have remained friends, but without the benefits. The catalyst for this relapse? Someone I met online. We have yet to meet in […]

Day 161 – Universe, I See What You Did There!

So far the new year has been good to me. I’m doing my best to keep myself busy; seeing bands, learning bass guitar, working on my Japanese, trying to paint, helping mum with her business and making lots of new friends. Including some female friends which I’m extremely happy about. All throughout this journey I […]

Day 133 – Feeling Like a Leper

I feel like I’ve contracted leprosy. Dipping back into black and white thinking, and I know I need to challenge it. It seems like I can’t get anyone to spend time with me to save my life. The people I thought I was becoming friends with, unfortunately predominantly male, all seem to withdraw their friendship […]

Day 77 – Love is a Risk

I had a good session with my therapist today, in which we discussed the reasons for my jealousy and steps to deal with it. Talking with her, it became clear just how scared I am about being in a relationship again and exposing myself to those feelings again. But that fear lead to another fear; […]

Days 74-76 – Jealous Much?

Things have been pretty good lately in the world of Sparrow. Even so, I’ve noticed that I still get a scared, nauseous feeling whenever  the concept of jealousy comes up. When I hear about people who have cheated, (male) exes who have moved on after painful break-ups or how someone’s (usually female) ex is “crazy”, this horrible feeling wells […]