I’m a little embarrassed about yesterday’s post, but what’s the point of having a blog if I am going to edit how I feel? It was a good example of posting about raw emotions that I hadn’t yet had time to process.
I woke up today with the same feeling of, desperation I suppose. It is a physical feeling in my stomach, one that I haven’t felt in a while, but I now recognise as the feeling that spurs me to act rashly, just to make it go away.
My thinking yesterday was pretty skewed, too. My brain was telling me that EVERYONE else is doing something better with their time than me. That ALL of my friends are in happy, committed relationships, and that if I didn’t get out there RIGHT NOW, my lonesome state would be permanent.
And if I’m completely honest, the feeling was triggered by an expectation I had, that wasn’t met. I’ve been trying to not have those, but of course, it crept into my head, and I didn’t even know it was there until it was unfulfilled.
I have been talking to a guy online for a month now, and we finally met yesterday. We had so much to talk about online, and I suppose I had high hopes that I would be attracted to him when we met in person. But I wasn’t. And I felt so disappointed. I didn’t realise until afterwards that I had pinned my hopes on this man, and now with that hope gone, in my brain it translated as “all hope of meeting anyone is gone forever”.
Yes, now I can see how ridiculous that is. Especially considering just a week ago I connected with another man who met all my requirements, except the “wanting a relationship” one. I’m meeting people, and I know it is only a matter of time before someone who meets all the requirements shows up. Patience is not a strong point of mine, but it’s pretty obvious that I need to work on it.
The lesson I take away today is to not get fooled by those raw, unprocessed emotions. Because usually, they are full of lies and want to get you into trouble.
From borderline to better 
I’ve been in a similar situation where I pinned a lot of hope in to a woman at the start of this year. We talked quite well but, there was no great attraction when we met. I eventually made the mistake of heading in to a relationship with her (we were both very lonely and anything other than optimistic of our chances of finding soul mates). It was a big mistake and we both got hurt quite badly.
I can be patience at the best of times but, whenever I put my emotions on the line, I kind of lose control of that. Each time, I fear that I’ve missed my chance but, that’s not the reality. It can take time but, someone else does come along.
It’s great that you’re meeting people and the odds are that you will find someone who suits you. 🙂
I know there are people out there who will suit me, but it feels like trying to find a needle in a haystack! I hate that there is no guarantee 😦
At the moment, though, I’m kind of having fun being single. I only realised this yesterday. So, I’ll just chill out for a while. They always say you fall in love when you stop looking, so I’ll try that 🙂