Day 492 – Goodbye to The Suit

He’s let me down too many times. He’s let me down on my birthday. He pushes me to the point where I want to die. The things I like about him, and there are a lot, could be enough to get us through, except for one thing: he doesn’t want to be in a relationship […]

Day 401- Not even I want to be with me

After last weeks post I was briefly up, but now I’m down. I thought I was cursed, and then suddenly it felt like The Onliner was being affectionate towards me again. And I also met someone new in real life, The Suit,  who seemed to not be instantly scared away and wanted to get to […]

Day 355 – Nothing.

In a bid to find a bit of hope again I went to see a psychic today. He came recommended. But after my consultation, it’s clearer than ever that the universe wants me to start again, with nothing. Or to find hope on my own. The universe is not going to throw me any bones. […]

Day 319 – Relapse

I got out of hospital yesterday after my second overdose. This has nothing to do with my “Friend with Benefits”. My relationship with him actually ended several weeks ago, mutually and amicably. We have remained friends, but without the benefits. The catalyst for this relapse? Someone I met online. We have yet to meet in […]

Day 133 – Feeling Like a Leper

I feel like I’ve contracted leprosy. Dipping back into black and white thinking, and I know I need to challenge it. It seems like I can’t get anyone to spend time with me to save my life. The people I thought I was becoming friends with, unfortunately predominantly male, all seem to withdraw their friendship […]

Day 91 – “False friends are worse than no friends at all”

I had a fight with a friend over Facebook yesterday, the details aren’t important. At the end of it though, I found myself apologising for my behaviour; I wanted to acknowledge my role in the matter, knowing that we were both in the wrong. However, no apology from his end came, or even an acknowledgement of my apology. The […]

Day 80 – Brain: “Fuck you”

Lately I feel like I’ve been doing so well, and then my brain goes, “Fuck you! Here’s some more shit to swill!” Ok, well, maybe not. I’m feeling kind of shitty today, because I’ve started dreaming about my ex again. I’ve felt like I was almost over the hump towards letting him go, but then […]